Sunday, February 3, 2013

An Empty Barn

So, it's been a while.
So many reasons,
 my camera and my computer aren't speaking,
I didn't have much to share,
was it time to press the big delete button on the blog?

Tomorrow, for the third time...the barn will be empty.
A cattle barn without cows.
Dairy farmers without jobs.
There are just so many of those these days.

The language of farmers, so bittersweet.
He's shutting it down.
He's hanging it up.
They're selling out.
Where will the cows go?
What's he gonna do?
Will they stay on the farm?
Can they keep the place?
Did they get out in time?
Do they have a buyer?

Our barns are tired.
The roof leaks, parts of it remind me of a kitchen colander.
Maybe it's time.
Yesterday, when my farmer hubby told me -
that we will need to look for a new renter,
and he won't have a job pretty soon....his words...
"Well....are you ready for the next big adventure?"
Bless his heart for putting so much thought into the presentation.
I didn't freak,
of course I cried...but I've always worn  my heart on my sleeve.

For thirty three years this farm has been our adventure,
a never-ending project...
often overwhelming, too much work, a money pit.
For a girl with imagination it was a playland,
room for everything.
I remember the obsession with perennials,
then it was fruit trees, and a fish pond -
or two - or - three - or four - or five.
How about some roses?  How about twenty rose bushes?
Espalier?  Wow, that takes some maintenance,
Boxwood hedges...I think I've burned up eight hedge trimmers.
When that pasture north of the house was empty,
we dug a hole and built a funky pool.
When the calves left we turned their nursery into a project studio.
When The Farmer turned 50 I built a bar in the old heifer barn so
we could throw him a big party.

I could probably stay here forever, because my brain is full of projects.
I have 85 Pinterest boards, not to mention the pinboards in my brain.
But maybe it's time.
Time to pare down, clear out and clean up.
Imagine the garage sale...
Imagine the adventure.

I can do that...
I think,
I hope,
I pray.