Friday, November 21, 2008

Dear Trespasser(s)


My Dear Trespassers,
I have an idea.

When you come to my place to hunt, gather, picnic, frolic, exercise, hike and whatever else you like to do here...I think we should make a deal. I know you're not comfortable asking for permission to stop over here, so you can drop my request on the front porch before you leave...or a little IOU would be fine too.
When you take my daffodils, leave a bouquet for me too.
When you take my lilacs, same thing.
When you take my blackberries, leave an IOU for a pie or a little pint of jam would be nice.
When you take fall foliage, leave me a cat-tail or two for my bouquets.
When you take a duck, hmm...I like smoked duck breast, an IOU will do.
When you take service berries, same thing as blackberries, jam or pie is fine.
When you take a deer, I'll call the cops...the deer and I have a deal and those no hunting signs are there for a reason.
When you chop down a tree, a little stack of firewood would be a good idea.

But.

When you take a whole truck load of rose hips and wild red winter berries like you did today, you owe me a wreath and maybe even some money...that's pushing the limit.
I'm totally into sharing.
But.
What I don't want is your picnic trash, pop cans, dorito bags, beer bottles, wine bottles, dirty diapers and doggie doo doo, oh yeah...FYI, that recliner that you left doesn't match my decor.

Thanks,
I'll be waiting for my pie, the ice cream is in the freezer.
S~
p.s. about that case of whiskey you left hidden in the brush, I think you were probably planning to pick up later? We gave it to my brother-in-law, if I may be so bold - could you leave vodka next time?

7 comments:

jodi in the country said...

I get your drift-I think a bullet wizzed past my head the other day.

bobbie said...

It's such a shame when you're kind enough to share your property, that your hospitality is abused. I see it here in our more rural areas all the time. "city folk" don't seem to understand that all that land does belong to someone else. I'm glad you found a new home for the liquor.

Thanks for your comment. It sent me back here. I've been reading all the blogs that show up on my dashboard, and somehow yours have been missing and I haven't been back to visit you recently.

Anil P said...

It's a shame when they bring in a truck and shoot deers and litter.

quilly said...

What, they don't leave you their unwanted house pets in trade? That's what my uncle always gets. He even ended up with a llama that way!

(Yes, it was registered and they tracked down the owner, but the guy couldn't feed it and my uncle still has it.)

tami said...

I think I know who took the rose hips...I read a blog of a local who makes wreaths to pay for adoptions...They sell them in your mom's neighborhood. Just a wild guess.

Of course, I am the flower thief. I think I have permisssion tho?

We get stalkers coming to the barn to pick up the owl pellets. Apparently they can sell for cash to support their drug habits. nice...

Carletta said...

I'll be honest - I'd be livid!!!

Lori said...

A case of whiskey! You got to be kidding. Ubelievable.

People are down right outragous sometimes!